Kiara Jade

Kiara Jade

Username: Kayla Aayla

Natural Disaster

Copyright © 2011 Kiara Jade

you say the flame in my eye is gone
my first reaction is to tell you “you’re wrong.”
 
but the earthquake begins at my fingertips
rumbling through my carefully crafted world
a fire is set ablaze to the stoic plains of my face
the Salty Saline River threatens to overwhelm its dam
and flood the plains
The atmosphere becomes hazy
with cloud coverage too blurry to see through
 
trying to still the brewing storm
I shift my focus to the three toys in my pocket
tethering me against the mocking winds
daring me to get swept up in the emotional catastrophe
 
I would look you in the eye
but I know it will intensify
the waves of guilt and hurt crashing against my shores
yet somehow I find my way
to the eye of the hurricane
the eerie calm encourages me to take a peek
 
to find your eyes searching mine
as mine search yours
I see you seeing me
with pity
with helplessness
how you would view a Stranger in agony
I feel your piercing gaze and I get mad
not at you, but at me
 
the dam breaks, the Salty Saline bursts forth

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not quite extinguishing the blaze in the plains
the confines of my delicate world not withstanding
the tornado ripping apart my stability
 
you think it’s you
I’m mad, at you
hurt, by you
I want to blame you for jerking my world from orbit
for causing me so much pain
but I know it’s me and I know you are right
 
I built a shrine around that candle enclosed it
I hid it from view hording the truth for myself
That’s what I thought you saw in my eyes
the exterior of that shrine
the cold, course unforgiving wall
 
but I hadn’t realized I built the shrine from glass
for anyone one to see who chose to look
through the glass, that clear glass
you can see the blackened wick
of a burnt out candle
tired worn and used
 
you think you can reach it
light that flame anew
not realizing the barrier in front of you
is as solid as brick
if you can even see it
foolish me, I built the shrine with no opening
glass reinforced by pain I’m not willing to endure
 
so now loss for words
loss for what to do

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you leave me with the taters
my world strewn around me
grateful for my chance to rebuild
my new world to orbit that shrine
never drawing nearer
always in sight
my constant dose of Novocain
 
what have I built for myself
a sanctuary or a prison?

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